Freitag, 1. Dezember 2017

#54 The beauty of loving you.

Day after day goes by. And with every sunrise and every sundown, with every quiet minute, with every moment free for my thoughts to flow, there are these words running through my mind. They are kind of stubborn. So now I will give them some space, for they are all about something so damn beautiful. For they are all about you. About what you mean to me.

It's not so easy to find the right words to describe what you mean to me. But I think I am quite close to a perfect fit. At least I can promise that I will do my best.

As I told you before, I didn't really realize that it struck me right in that moment. On that Sunday morning, at the buffet. But now that I know, I can remember what I felt right then. And I am so thankful for that moment. For that feeling. And for you, asking for my number just a few minutes later, because otherwise I think I wouldn't have been brave enough to ask you. At least I was brave enough to write that first message. Our first teamwork, kind of.
I am so thankful for all of those messages we wrote. For spending hours reading, typing, waiting. For the short dialogues in between, just to shorten the waiting time. For all those thoughts we shared. Even for the pain we shared, because it's always these moments, that make people connect a bit more.

I am thankful for all those moments that followed. For our bodies, connecting just as if they'd been searching for each other for a long time. For our minds, connecting in that strange "What the fuck, why do you exactly think what I think?"-way. For being so similar and so different at the same time. I am so thankful for all of these beautiful memories we made. And for many more to come.

It's so easy to fall in love with you. You are so charming. You have that dangerous ability to make every woman feel as if she was the only one in the room. You do look so good. You do feel so good. Your smell is incomparable. Your smile makes my heart stop for a moment. You are so beautiful. No matter what you do, you touch me in that intimate, lovely way.

It's so easy to love you. You keep me warm at night. You wrap your arms around me in my darkest moments. And everytime I think that I might have been too much for you, everytime I'm scared to lose you, everytime my fears seem to kill me...  really everytime you return to me, holding me until all the pain is gone. You make me laugh, even when I am in total darkness. You make me realize, that my fire is still burning. And most of all, you believe in me.
You make me grow. You taught me, that the demons will leave again. That I am so much stronger than I ever believed. That you are so worth it to fight for us. And that dreams could come true. Because now I am laying right here, next to you, in a bed that we call 'ours'. Because you tell me, that coming home to me is so beautiful to you. Because you make me believe that I do mean as much to you as you mean to me.

I have been thinking so much about the question, why I deserve someone like I you. What it is that makes me worthy enough to be the woman by your side. And you made me realize that these questions don't matter at all. It's not about what I deserve or what I earn, this isn't a pay off.
What matters is, that I make you feel good, as you make me. What matters is that you feel like home to me. That I feel like home to you. What matters is, that I am worth anything, because I am great. As you are. As we are. And that this "we" feels so incredibly good. What matters is, that this is love. And love simply is.

For me, you are my significant other. You are the one who touches my heart like no one ever could. The one I wake up next to every morning, thinking: "Oh my god, how beautiful you are! Oh my God, how much I love you!"
You know, I am able to feel deeper, more intense, than many other people. But I never felt anything like this before. If there really is a "love of my life", then - I am sure now - it is you.

There has never been a greater beauty in my life then the beauty of loving you. Thank you for making me feel all of this. Thank you for being you. And thank you for loving me with all your heart. I might have been a good one all my life, but with your help I have become even better.

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